Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
