Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
