I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
