that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
