so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
