My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
