When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
