living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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