i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It was like getting head from an anaconda
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
