Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
only if we run a train.
done.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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