you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
