you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
