Only a mothe r could love this liver
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
