it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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