So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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