it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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