Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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