After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
