There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
