She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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