He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
