When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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