Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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