Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
