It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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