weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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