There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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