in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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