yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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