Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Send help, water and tortillas.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
