I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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