Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
