I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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