cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
