Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
