We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
