She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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