Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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