she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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