I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Shame - the story of my life.
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