i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
