I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
