i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
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Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
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Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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