I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize