I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
