Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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