careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
