I got chris browned last night
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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