you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
