More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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