i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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