true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
