Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
