I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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