he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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