Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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