There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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