took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
