She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
