Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
