I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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