it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just invented taco cereal.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
