i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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