No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
