Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
40s are totally the cure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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