how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
