i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
